it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
