There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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