i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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