i just had sex bonerless
You smell like a Billy Joel song
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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