i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
cat food counts as protein by the way
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
