just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
