I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
