$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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