who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
