I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
