I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
