I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
