Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I haven't been this sober since birth.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
