THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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