I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
