he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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