Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
