I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
