she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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