Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
