Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The uberlube is also flammable
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize