They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
