Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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