Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
