Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
