My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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