My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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