I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
