i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
