So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
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Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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