Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
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I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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