No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
