Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
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I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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