1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
only if we run a train.
done.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Randomize
