my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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