me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
