Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
vagina is talking i cant
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
