i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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