me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
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Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
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No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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