you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I didn't notice because vodka
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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