Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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