But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Less talking, more tequila
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
