I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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