RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
