this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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