My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
