i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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