he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
