well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
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I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
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I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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