It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
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she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
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About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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