addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
