do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
