did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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