he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
