This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
