She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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