Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
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He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
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I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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