you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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