we have officially lost it.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
