guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
