just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
