Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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