then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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