I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
