This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
