I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
