Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
