I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I came so hard my ears popped.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
