all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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