Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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