we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
