he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
