Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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