it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
