reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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