it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
