Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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