Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
