So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
