Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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