I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
