So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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