wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
