he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I have aggressive nipples.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
