My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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