So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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