You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
